I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize