turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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