You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
A+ Viking dick
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
