Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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