you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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