I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
