Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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