Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
