i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
