I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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