You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
