so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
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For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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