Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize