we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
