ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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