So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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