Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
