Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
