She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
