It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
