Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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