I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
