oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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