Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
