I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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