well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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