2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
