2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
