we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
