You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she pinky promised me she was 18
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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