i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
