He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
