Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize