You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
