are you still at the devil's house?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
