barbara walters just said penis...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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