he thought i was a dude.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
