She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
