i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I love you.
Bad choice
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
