Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
