As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
