I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
