you guys were way drunker than both of me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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