Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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