We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
did you just send me my own nude
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
