so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This is the high leading the old right now
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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