walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
