just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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