you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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