We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
They should really pass out barf bags in church
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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