yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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