need another drink. this is the easiest way
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
