Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
