It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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