so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
