he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
