Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize