he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
