i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
