When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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