You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
