If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
