hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
