Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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