Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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