Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
