why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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