his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize