Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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