I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I see more hoeing in ur future
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