Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
