The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
