So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
