If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
