I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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