ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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