After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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