3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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